I’m trapped

Okay so I don’t know how to feel anymore. I remember that time before I started dating Nathan, I was in a weird state. I wasn’t feeling anything. I was just going with the flow. I realize that I am in that moment right now. I used to always wonder in high school and college…

Thank you to another you

I didn’t expect much for my birthday. It never is something that I look forward to. If my family tries to do something, it always is about them and never about what I want. My friends don’t do much. By the time I was old enough to want something with friends, it always fell through….

I thought I was free

Okay for those of you who follow my blog posts know that I had issues with this one guy for awhile. I finally blocked. But here’s the thing. He doesn’t get the hint and keeps trying to talk to me. He called from his work number. That is utterly ridiculously. Like I can’t block the…

Took me long enough.

Sometimes you have to be strong enough to cut the ties. When I started teaching, I met a guy that got hired with me. We clicked. I looked at us as good friends. Honestly he was weird on my level. For people that know me, know that I like weird in my friends. He was…

Being honest with myself

Okay. I have to make sure that I am honest with myself from time to time. I need to do that because when I hold stuff in, It does not end well for me. Okay I have feelings for someone. I know the more that I am around them, my feelings grow deeper. I am…

Shocked…Disappointed.

I did what I know a lot of people say not to do: Date a friend. Well I did. I will say that was a decent relationship. I felt things ended decently. I didn’t leave with any hard feelings, even though I knew I had right to. I chose not to because we had been…

Here we go.

Is it just my tendency to attach to a guy to make my mind feel good and calm. Sometimes I wonder if I go for guys to full a void that I need. Do I really like them? I think in all honestly I can figure out what guys I went out with to fill…

Here we go again

I haven’t felt this bad in a while.   I had been feeling really sick and anxious. I stopped having those Sunday random anxiety attacks. Especially when I had things planned for the next few days. I don’t know why I had been feeling like this. It makes me frustrated. But if I’m honest, maybe…

Maybe I’m not good

I don’t know when exactly, But I’ve stopped taking my medications I have been on this high that has allowed me to do all things. Take care of all responsibilities Not overthink things. But I feel myself about to crack I feel the headaches coming on. I don’t know how to be normal. I don’t…

First week back to work

I am midway through my first week back to work. As a teacher, start of the school year is crucial. I truly think I have a good bunch of kids this year. A lot of changes happened. I wasn’t fully prepared to take on the change of moving to English II PAP and English IV…

I’ve been slipping.

Days seems to have blurred As my time and freedom get shorter It’s been weeks since I’ve taken my medications. It seems as my will and responsibility have taken a vacation. I don’t know why it is That has made me lose my responsibility and will to care In my mind I assumed I would…

Empty

There are moments where I just feel empty again. I feel it like a slow freeze creeping up on me. It did this creep, this cat like pounce on me where I didn’t realize that it hit me until it did. I don’t even know how to explain it. I feel dead inside. I look…

Who, Me? — The Bipolar Writer

Who, me? This was my honest response to my psychiatrist’s diagnosis of bipolar. Not only did I not accept it, I thought she had my file confused with someone else’s. She clearly wasn’t listening to anything I was saying. If she had been she would know that I am only ADHD. Let me be honest […]…

Impulsive: I’m scared

You I know when you start getting those inkling of feelings that there is more to what meets the eye? That’s how I’ve been feeling. I knew I’ve had anxiety for awhile and I knew that I had depression even thought it is going untreated currently. But I realized there is more. I’ve finally become…

Poetry Entry June 27, 2018 : My Fault

I’m sorry Darlin’ It was my fault in part That resulted in broken hearts I didn’t have the strength To be as independent as I seem In reality I wasn’t really free I caved to who others wanted me to be I didn’t fight for what I want That will alway haunt In the end…